This morning I've felt the need to be comforted. I've only gone and got the bladdy misery guts haven't I! Sheesh.
I've had to put on my Cuddly Maroon Cashmere Jumper (£4 in the M&S menswear sale. Size XXL). I've had to have Florence singing to me on repeat through itunes (I must become the lion-hearted girl lalalaaaa). I've had to have an epic bowl of cereal consisting of cheerios, special K AND shreddies (two helpings I might add). And I've had to browse the t'interweb, looking at and lusting for pretty dresses that I cannae afford (damn you ASOS.com)
Most of my friends have gone off to Uni now and are currently drinking copious amounts of alcomahol, making lots of brand spanking new friends and generally moving on into the next chapter of life. Despite it being my own decision to take a gap year, I am feeling a little left behind. Sigh. Yes I am silly and selfish and I want to ring them every day just to remind them not to forget about me. We were a good bunch at school and we got on like a blazin' house so I already miss them rather a lot really. This is the main thing that is giving me the misery guts.
Another thing is that I ain't got no monies. Me and 90% of the population of the world eh? Why can't we all just be nice and rich? Oh yeah.. the economy will crash, blah blah blah. Boring political stuff.
The final bullet point on my 'cruddy things list: Last night I had a dream that my brother died. It was possibly the most realistic dream I've ever had. No surreal flying giraffes or roads made of tin foil or anything; just worryingly realistic situations with realistic dialogue and real people. It was absolutely horrific. In my dream I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe and I was choking and everything. Suddenly I woke up to find that the crying bit wasn't just a dream - my pillow was wet and I was crying like a toddler. Do you know when toddlers cry so much that their faces are wet and they aren't actually making any noise because they can't catch their breath? And it's heartbreaking to watch? That was me last night. For a second I panicked and wondered if Callum really had died, because why else would I be in such a state in the middle of the night? And all I could think about was how I'd had a go at him earlier that evening for not making me some soup! He's at school now and until I see him in the flesh this avo when he gets home, I don't think I'm going to be able to put it out of my mind. Rubbish. And quite creepy.
However, despite all of this whining and on a much happier note, I just received a speldourful text, which made me feel much happier:
"I will wrap your beautiful heart in my big snuggly fleecy blanket of friendship, whether you like it or not."
Cor, she's lovely. Now I am smiling.
Ta-ta.
