Last Thursday, the 20th August 2009, was a rather monumental day for me. Not only because I received my A-level results, not merely because 7 years of hard slog have been rewarded, not simply because doors are being opened for me and friends but because (drum roll please) ...I have never been so drunk in my entire life. I think what happened to me that fateful night at Tiger Tiger was really quite hilarious. It is my duty to retell it, perhaps even pass it down through the generations as a warning; alcohol ain't all that. After some thought, I have come to the conclusion that the best way to regale you with my evening of wonder is through the medium of texts. All of the texts reproduced in this blog are 100% genuine and have not been tampered with at all.

To: Tebb
Time: 20:37
75p vodka red bull. Hurry along :) x X

Tebb asked where we were. Excitement builds for an epic night

To: Tebb
Time: 20:48
A booth in the 70s bit x X

To: Rachel
Time: 22:22
Where are you? We love YOU

She replies something about Hanson and glitter balls

To: Rachel
Time: 22:23
That makes no sense. Where are you?

To: Tebb
Time: 23:36
I'm lost I'm lost. I'm in the loos x Xx

This is where it all goes wrong

To: Finch
Time: 00:00
I can't see i modud youn I'm in ve jon in going to be real. Hols me. I def awful. This sucks. I''m sweating. I feel shit.

To: Finch
Time: 00:11
I'm sacred. I haven't drunk that much. I feel freaked out cos I feel so drunk. H've been sat on the toilert floor for an hour

To: Finch
Time: 00:24
Please help me please. I can't leave the toilets. I feel so ill. I do't know wit t do. XXXX

My friends were in the toilets calling my name. I was too drunk to notice

To: Finch
Time: 00:30
Ther's noone here. I'm so ill. i'm on my own. Weher shall I goo? XXX

My knight in shining armour tells me he's coming to save me

To: Finch
Time: 00:38
I'm inma pass ouut. I feel so bad. Where dy I wait? I feel so bad. Help me x X

To: Finch
Time: 00:47
The main door of Tiger? wHEN are you here? I am not in a good wan. I Boo hardly get out. I have jkangok. Boo. I am stuck x X

I return home to Finch's flat only to discover that all my overnight stuff, my clothes for the next day and my bike are still at Fi's house in Havant. I was meant to have gone back to stay at hers. So, on Friday morning, my lovely lovely man had to drive me to Fi's so that I could collect my stuff, get changed and go to rehearsal. I turned up to the rehearsal 20 minutes late because I'd had to stop several times on the way to jump off of my bike and throw up into the bushes. I arrived with a bucket in tow (the morning's car journey proved too much of a daunting prospect without one) and proceeded to chunder 18 times throughout the day, much to the bemusement of my fellow cast members! The afternoon ended with a cheery suggestion from Vincent and Nathan of 'anyone fancy the pub?'

Off on Holly-day, innit.

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside...
Shame we're going to Herefordshire really then isn't it. Heehee.

Off for a lovely week in a little cottage. I am really rather excited. Sure; skiing is thrilling, camping is adventurous, hot climates are tempting but to be honest a quiet week in beautiful surroundings with hot running water is my idea of heaven at the moment. I do feel slightly guilty because for the rest of the family this is an opportunity to escape the hustle and bustle of the 9 to 5 - jobs and responsibilities. For me, it's a chance to continue doing what I've done for the last 2 months: bum around achieving nothing. Since school ended (sob) I have found myself to be the most successful slob. It seems that without motivation I lapse into lazy rubbishness.

I need a mission...something to get my brain and bum in gear.

If only I had something to work towards.

If I only I was doing something of huge importance with copious amounts of responsibility attached.

Something like, oh I don't know, directing a play...?

Ah yes, that's right, I am doing that.

PANIC.